Saving Nukid
by Ranger24
Summary: Nukid has been taken by Narutards.  With his life in the balance a dangerous pursuit is launched by Ranger24, X Prodigy, Airnaruto, Mistressofdawn, and Lunatic121.  Will they make it in time?  R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Ranger24: Something I figure I had to do even if Nukid isn't going to do anymore Nostalgia Kid's. We need closure.**

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><p>The Quest.<p>

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The morning after Nukid's Top 11 Stupidest things about Naruto Ranger knelt on the ground just outside the Author Fighter headquarters surrounded by the corpses of Die hard Naruto fans. Otherwise known as Narutards.

As he searched the Ground X Prodigy came out, a cup of coffee in hand.

"You still at it?" He asked.

"I've almost got it," Ranger growled.

"Oh really and then what?" X demanded. "I hate to say it but even if you can pick up their trail we're way to heavily out numbered to take on that army."

"Their a smaller group now," Ranger replied.

"How do you know?" X asked.

Then in answer Ranger yanked a Kunai knife out of a corpse out and handed it to X.

"Because they turned on each other," Ranger answered. "They took him and feel upon each other over the spoils. The smaller groups fled away, the larger ones fought it out until one managed to get clear of the slaughter."

He then led X to the ruined wall.

"And then they fled east," he said grimly.

"How many?"

"Large enough to win through but thinned out by serious losses and able to move quickly." Ranger said. "My guess is no more than four hundred, no less than two hundred."

"Can you take that many?" X asked.

Ranger turned and headed back to Head quarters.

"We'll just have to find out." He replied.

Thirty minutes later Ranger began slapping together Sol and Luna. The mismatched twin pistols were put together and loaded in seconds. He slipped them in their respective holisters and then snatched up his Long Bow. He tested the weapon, listening for any creaking or sound of strain on the weapon. To his comfort there was none. He then belted on not only Ddraig S Caul but his old Longsword Rosemont as well. Last off all he slid his handy Seaxe knife into a sheath in his boot.

Armed and equipped he stepped out of his room only to find X waiting for him, the Sparda hanging from his back.

"What are you doing?" Ranger asked.

"Going with you," X replied.

Ranger eyed him, sizing him up and then nodded.

"Fine."

The two started down the hall only for Airnaruto suddenly joined them.

"You?" Ranger said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not sitting this party out," Airnaruto replied as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Even though Nukid bashed one of your favorite shows?" X asked.

"He did it in a fair manner," Airnaruto replied. "Those other fans totally over reacted."

"Good enough for me," Ranger said.

They only managed to go down one floor before the door opened again and MistressofDawn stepped on board cracking her knuckles.

"You too?" Ranger asked.

"Of course," she replied.

"Fine but you're the last one," Ranger said. "We don't want this party to be every person in the FAF."

Everyone in the elevator muttered their agreement.

The elevator reached the bottom only to find Lunatic121 waiting for them.

"No." Ranger said flatly.

"Aw come on," Looney begged.

"No."

The group started for the exit Looney following them.

"Come on guys, please!"

"Looney your probably among the least combat effective people on this team," Ranger snapped. "That and you seem to have an IQ of negative 4."

"No I don't!" Looney said offended.

"Manga Month." All of the current party members said at the same time.

Looney hung his head in shame.

The party made it to the door and Ranger threw it open.

"Doesn't mean you can't follow us though," he shot over his shoulder. "Just stay out of our way."

Looney's face lite up like someone had just told him it was Christmas morning.

"Are you serious?" X hissed out Looney's hearing.

"Hey we can always use him as food if we get hungry or need a meat shield." Ranger said with a shrug. "Besides gives me a chance to piss some wisdom into his skull about Warhammer 40k before he royally screws the pooch on Shinji and the Warhammer40k."

"Good call," Mistress agreed.

In about a minute the party reached the breach in the wall and came to a halt as Ranger checked the trail.

"Most of the Narutards..."

"Ahem!" Airnaruto said.

"Enemies," Ranger corrected lamely. "Fled out this path. We're looking for one of the larger groups however. If they've got Nukid they have one person carrying an extra 150+ pounds of weight on them."

"Aren't you supposed to be the tracker?" Mistress asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be a werewolf?"

"You want me to smell for Nukid?"

"Only if we have to," Ranger replied. "That's why I brought this."

He pulled out what appeared to be a pair of Nukids socks in a plastic bag.

"Okay ew." Mistress said in disgust.

"As I said only if we have to," Ranger replied stowing the bag away. "Now in the roughly quoted words of Aragorn in the Two Towers, book not Movie, "forth the five hunters!"

And with that they surged forth, Looney bringing up the rear.

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><p><strong>Ranger24: And so ends the first chapter. I estimate this story will at worst be ten chapters long, I'm hoping to keep it short though. One chapter to every Hunter and then the climax. And to Lunatic and TLsouldude, Please pay attention to any thing pertaining to Warhammer 40k I say in this fic or fans of the series will find you in kill you in ways you can't begin to image before throwing your souls to the chaos gods to be devoured.<strong>

**Read and Review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ranger24: Okay yeah I'm cutting this back considerably but I'm still doing it.**

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><p>Chapter 2: First blood<p>

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hey how are we already here?" Looney demanded that night as the stood at the lip of a narrow valley overlooking the Narutard camp.

"Because I'm lazy," Ranger growled. He turned to X who had a pair of binoculars pressed to his eyes. "You see him?"

"Not yet," X replied. "Wait..."

He passed Ranger the binoculars.

"Take a look."

Ranger took the binoculars from X and pressed them against his eyes. Sure enough there was Nukid being lead up the steps of some kind of altar.

"Oh joy they're going to sacrafice him to god knows what," Ranger said.

"Whats the plan?" Mistress asked.

Ranger pulled out his knife and drew out a rough map of the base in the dirt.

"Mission objective is to rescue Nukid from crazed fans who appear to be preparing to offer him up for some ritual," Ranger explained. "Phase one." He drew a line heading straight into the base. "Lunatic goes straight on into the base to create a diversion."

"What?"

"Allowing me to flank around to the north and attack them," Ranger continued ignoring Lunatic. "Phase two everyone else moves in from the south and secures Nukid and Lunatic if he's not dead."

"Okay really not liking this plan!"

"Phase three we fall back the way Lunatic came in with myself covering the rear."

"Okay cann we pause for a second and discuss the parts where I almost die?" Lunatic demanded.

"Luntatic you've got the most important job of all," Ranger explained. "You'll not only be distracting them but on the way you'll be laying our escape route with these." He then held up a sack full of anti personal mines.

Looney took the sack and looked at it warily.

"There's not a remote detonator in here is there?" He checked.

"Of course there is," Ranger replied. "Otherwise we'll get killed by our own mines."

"Or you can kill me because you don't like me," Looney shot back.

Ranger sighed.

"Looney I don't hate you... Okay so not really... Only kinda..."

Everyone now was watching the exchange with rather annoyed expressions.

"You just annoy the crap out of me because I find little in you that is redeeming. You are a spineless wimp, a furry, an evangelical pest, an idoit who can't be bothered to do research on what he's supposed to be writing about resulting in substandard work, and you are the least combat effective member of the team. Hikari could beat you in an arm wrestle. Yet at the same time I have the tiny shred of hope in me that before you die a fitting death you might show some redeeming quality."

"In laymens trems your Grif, he's Sarge." X said suming up Ranger's statement.

"One, I don't watch that show, two I found all that very offensive, and three I'm not doing this," Looney snapped.

Ranger turned the X and then pulled up his pants leg.

Five seconds later Looney went screaming into the camp having been punted all the way into the camp while the others watched from the ridge.

"Nice kick," Mistress noted.

"I'm a Horde player, we practice on Gnomes," Ranger replied.

X shook his head in annoyance.

"Can I ask a question?" Airnaruto asked.

"Yeah?"

"Why exactly are you sticking most of us on the get Nukid out part of the plan?" He asked.

Ranger pointed back to his drawing in the dirt.

"Getting Nukid out is the full point of the mission," he answered. "Looney's secureing the escape route while I draw off the main enemy force. Air, you're a trained Ninja so you're the teams scout, you clear the way of any hostiles you don't think the group can slip passed."

He then pointed his knife at Mistress.

"You've got the tracking abilities of a werewolf and as such a wolf's night time hunting skills. You're the detection."

Then he pointed at X.

"And X is there in case it all goes fubar."

Then he sheathed his knife and drew out his bow.

"It's also going to take two people to carry Nukid out of here effectively seeing as how he probably won't be able to walk," Ranger explained. "I'm not going to leave him to die. I don't want anyone dying under my watch."

He pulled an arrow out and knocked it to his bow.

"Lets get in, get out, and bring Nukid home. In a few days we'll all be laughing and talking shit about this whole thing," he said as Airnaruto pulled out a knife, X swung out the Sparda, and Mistress cracked her knuckles. "First drinks are on me though."

**-AF-**

Looney was nearly wetting himself in sheer terror as he found himself in the midst of hundreds of Narutards all staring at him.

"Um... Hi!" He said standing up. "I was wondering if any of you wanted to talk about our lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"

They stared at still him.

"Well," he gulped. "Jesus was a really great guy, most religons with the exception of Satanism agree on that. Jesus went around spreading the word of love and peace to the people of a very tirbulant region of the world. He was betrayed by one of his dispels and arrested by the Romans. He was crucified and died for our sins."

A knife landed at his feet, inches from impaling his left foot.

"We only believe in our lord and savior Naruto!" The closest Narutard proclaimed.

"Believe it!" The rest all proclaimed as one.

Looney face palmed.

"Look I'm sorry people but worshipping a fictional character isn't a real religon. Thats just stupid."

"Religious freedom jerk!" Another proclaimed.

"Stop suppressing our culture you ethnocentric asshole!" Yet another yelled.

Looney gulped lifting up his hands as if to ward them off.

"Look I wasn't trying to be offensive I'm just voice my opinions which I believe are completely justified.

"Wait a second I know you!" One of the Narutards said from behind him and he turned to face the young woman. "He's the Insane critic!"

This seemed to piss the Narutards off even more.

"Yes I am!" Looney yelped. "Glad to meet a fan!"

"You're the bastard who wrote Manga Month!" The young woman snarled.

"OH COME ON!" Looney screamed out in sheer frustration. "HOW FREAKING LONG IS EVERYONE GOING TO BE GOING ON ABOUT THAT!"

"I liked Slam Dunk!" One proclaimed.

"OFFER HIM UP LIKE THE HERETIC!" Another yelled.

The Narutards drew out their weapons, a mass of ninjatos, kusarigama, knives, nunchucks, boe staves, sia, and Shuriken. Looney drew out his Chakarams.

_'So this is it?' _He thought to himself. _'This is where I go and meet Jesus.'_

Then suddenly there came screams from the north.

"THE GREEN DEVIL! THE GREEN DEVIL IS HERE!" A Narutard screamed out over the tumalt.

Dread covered the faces of the Narutards.

"What are we waiting for! The woman who recognzed Looney demanded. "We either kill him or he'll kill all of us!"

"LETS MOVE!" Another yelled.

The next thing Looney knew he was being almost flattened by a massed stampede of running and shouting Narutards. After about a minute off being trampled on Looney was alone on the ground brusied and bleeding.

"Ow..." He moaned.

**-AF-**

"Thirty two!" Ranger proclaimed snapping off another arrow into the eye of a Narutard. "Thirty three!" An arrow to the throat. "Thirty four!" An arrow to the heart. "Thirty five!" Another to the eye.

Ranger was stepping over the dead bodies of the Narutards he'd so far slain yanking used shafts out of their corpses. This may have been a mission to save the life of a friend but he was personally having a ball. He suspected it had something partially to due to his heritage which he suspected was from Celtic and Saxon tribes. The blood thristy barbarian in him was certainly being sated tonight.

They drew in closer to close for his bow to be of much further use so he slung it and drew out Sol and Luna.

"Ninja's vs bullets?" He proclaimed before opening fire.

High powered slugs cut down the charginging enemies like a sycthe through wheat. He ran out of ammo released the spent magazines and then swept in two fresh ones and resumed fire. His ammo went empty again and he reloaded again. Lather, rinse repeat.

"The winner is bullets," he said with a grin.

By now the Narutards sheer number had allowed them to get within ten feet of him. With no time left to reload he holstered his guns and then drew out his Longsword Rosemont.

The Narutards paused staring at him. Then they started laughing at him.

"What's so funny?" Ranger demanded.

"You're using a longsword!" One said between chuckles.

"And?"

"We've got ninjato's, mini katana's! The best sword in the world!"

Ranger furrowed his brow.

"Oh really?" He said, deadly serious. "Allow me to properly edjucate you on swords."

Then he sliced the head clean off the Narutard who'd answered his question. Before any of them could react he cut a second from shoulder to spine. The Narutards rushed in around him but Ranger kept fighting. He parried the first incoming attack and then split his attackers skull in half with his blade. He slashed and hacked without any form fo mercy peircing their lines and leaving a trail of corpses in his wake.

"The Katana," he explained parrying another attack. "Is a steel sword usual measuring between three and a half and four feet." He headed his attacker and then stabbed another through the stomach. "The true katana's we know of in the west were designed after the Mongol invasion of Japan. They were made of speacilly forged steel by master Japanese smiths and priests." He kicked one attacker in the gut, stabbed another, then finished off the one he had kicked. "The Katana has a curved blade and is rather light in comparison to western swords." He head butted an attacker then stabbed him. "The Katana is reputed to be the sharpest sword in the world able to easily cut through unarmored enemies with ease." He grabbed an attackers weapon hand with his free arm, twisted her arm around her back, and let her take the next attack for him. He then slashed the throat of the would be attacker.

"The katana however is essentially a one trick pony," Ranger continued off had back handed a narutard trying to get him from behind and then turned about and plunged his sword through his heart. "It's curve makes it an akward thrusting weapon." He slashed off the arm of another and then sliced another in half. "Its light weight prevents it from having the power to hack through heavy armor making even simple chain mail perfectly effective against it." He beheaded another and then stabbed one through the throat. "These weaknesses mean the Katana is limited almost exclusively to slashing attacks." He kneed an attacker in groin, punched him in the head, and then cut off her head. "The katana is also completely dependant on its cutting power meaning that once it begins to dull it becomes good only for causing bruises." He yank out his Saex knife and then cut the throat of male Narutard. "The majority of katana's made today are poor quality reproductions that begin to dull around five uses." He plunged his knife into the chest of female narutard and then stabbed it in again and again until blood poured from her mouth. "The hand full of quality katana's are expensive, old, and mostly aren't for sale." He sheathed his knife and then sliced the legs off an attacker and then stabbed a second through a third.

"The Longsword by comparison," he parried another attack and then stabbed the man through the groin. "Is a three to four foot long sword." He hip checked a charging Narutard and sent her sailing head first into a knife. "The earliest Longswords were designed by the Celts in the time before the Romans." He cut his next attacker clean in half. "The Longsword its a double edged straight sword that was mass produced by skilled smiths throughout Europe." He cut the head off another. "The Longswords strength of the Longsword lies in its length and weight. This gives it greater reach and strength then comprable Roman Gladius's." He swept the legs of an attacker and then crushed his throat beneath his boot. "The Longsword remained and use in one form or another from the 5th Century BC. to the 1550's when it was phased out by swords like the Cutlass and Rapier." He punched an attacker so hard they spun about and Ranger plunged his blade into their spine.

"The Longsword is a well balanced weapon," Ranger continued. "Its weight gives it the power to easily cut through bone and its pointed tip gives it the ability to find gaps in enemies armor." He sliced open and attackers stomach, snatched their falling Kusarigama, and then brought the weapon down through another's skull. "A durable blade, the longsword can take a lot of abuse and still dish out punishment." He stabbed an attacker through stomach then spun about and cut the legs out from under another. "It can be blunted on the edges and still have the power to break bones like the spine, skull, or neck." He kicked another attacker in the head and then slashed their rib cage open. "To put it bluntly, the Longsword is a jack of all trades..." He back hand stabbed the sword through another attacker and then yanked it out to behead another enemy. "Master of none."

In the course of his rant Ranger had killed twenty three enemies leaving a pile of corpses around him. Add that to roughly fifty enemies he'd already killed and Ranger had already single handedly killed nearly a fourth of the Narutards.

He flicked the blood from his sword and the Narutards backed away terrified of him. He beckoned to them, leveling his sword.

"Any questions?"

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><p><strong>Ranger24: And thats the chapter folks! Tune in next time for more asskicking. Read and review.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Blood frenzy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Well it sounds as if Ranger is having fun," X said dryly as Airnaruto killed another Narutard with a knife.

"Does anyone else find it creepy that the second in command of the FAF loves killing so much he's practically a villain?" Mistress asked.

"Sort of," Airnaruto admitted.

"Hey at least he's on our side," X replied.

They were slipping in as per Ranger's plan and thanks to Ranger's diversion most of the Narutards had gone off to try and face him. They were closing in now on the altar around which there were around thirty Narutards.

"So how are doing this," Airnaruto asked?

X frowned and drew out the Sparda.

"Hard and fast," he said. "If the enemy realizes we're making off with Nukid this whole things going to go south really quick."

"Lovely," Mistress growled.

They moved up with silent stealth keeping to the shadows cast by the many torches around the Altar.

"Oh mighty Avergol we beseech thee to take this heathen's soul," the Narutard closest to the altar proclaimed.

"Who's Avergol?" Mistress whispered.

"Who cares," X whispered.

A young woman with a katanna on her hip approached the altar.

"Times up," Airnaruto hissed.

"Go loud!" X proclaimed drawing dusk and dawn. He opened up gunning down the Narutards starting with the chick with the Katanna. Mistress charged in behind his screen of fire striking down one of the chanters and then jumping off the chanters back to the altar. With a whirlwind kick she sent the chanter closest to the altar crashing down the steps. Air summoned up a rasenshuriken and sent whole half dozen flying away.

X stormed up the steps, still firing his pistols. Airnaruto and Mistressofdawn pulled Nukid from the altar and slung his semi conscious form over their shoulders.

"Okay lets move!" X shouted over his gun fire.

"I hope Loonies planted the charges," Air growled.

"I'm sure he's already done," Mistress assured him.

-AF-

"Stupid Narutards," Lunatic muttered as he buried another land mine. "Stupid Ranger, giving me a bunch of mines..."

He had planted about half of his charges since being run over by the hoard of Narutards and he wasn't happy with that last detail.

-AF-

Blood sprayed against the crowding Narutards again as two more of their number fell to Ranger's sword play. He had drawn Ddriag s Cual and was wielding it in his left hand while he slaughtered with both blades.

"Eighty-six and eighty-seven," he counted flicking the blood from his blades. "And I haven't even broken a sweat yet."

The Narutard's stood a good ten feet from him rooted to their positions with fear.

"Come on!" He exclaimed mockingly. "Anyone else want to try their luck."

No one moved.

Ranger sighed.

"Well then if you don't mind, I'm going to put on some music for myself to listen to while I kill you," he said planting his swords point first into the dirt.

He pulled out his ipod and began to untangle the earphones.

A Narutard screamed an charged him and ninjato in hand. Ranger swept out his knife and deftly cut his attackers throat.

"People," he said sternly. "I am trying to put some music on for myself."

No one moved.

"Good," Ranger chiped brightly. He threaded the ear phones under his vest and put them into his ears. He clipped his ipod to his belt and began skimming through the songs until he found one he liked. His choice happened to be "The One" by Elena Siegman, from the Call of Duty Zombies sound track.

"Now then," he said picking his swords up again. The Narutards tensed up, bracinng themselves for the incoming attacks. "Shall we?"

He held his position for a moment, letting the song begin. He tapped his foot in time to the opening drum symbals. Then he charged forward and with one strike had slain two more enemies! The Narutards began to scatter screaming but Ranger cut them down as they fled. Heads fell and and bodies collapsed as Ranger swung his blades.

_All my life I've been debating_

_All the crows they sit there waiting_

_Wondering what I'm going to eat_

_Until I have it I can't breathe_

Another fell to his sword screaming as Rosemont cut her spine in half.

_I only see you on the floor_

_Your hearts not beating anymore_

_My lust for you it cannot wait_

_Your skin it tastes like chocolate_

He impaled one through the chest and beheaded a second.

_Staring blankly at the sun_

_Waiting for my time to come_

_Your happy life it makes me sick_

_All the screaming sounds like music_

He cut ones legs out from under them with Rosemont and stabbed them with Ddriag s Cual.

_Losing all my holy dreams_

_Someone tell me what they mean_

_There's a smell of iron blood in the air_

_But I can't find it anywhere_

He jumped into a large mass of Narutards with his swords sailing amongst limbs and bodies. Blood sprayed into the air and Ranger was surrounded by a thick red mist.

_I've been waiting for someone to find me_

_And become a part of me (A part of...)_

_I've been waiting for you_

_To come here_

_And kill me_

_And set me free_

_I've been waiting for the one_

He found himself free of foes for a moment but he turned to see others still trying to escape. "You can't run," he whispered.

In a second he was on them blades flashing red with sparks and flying blood.

_Blood's flavor is so metallic_

_It's smell makes me go phrenetic_

_Textures that I find in you is a thick vicious glue_

His blades screamed as they slipped past a defending Kusarigama and pierced the lungs of his victim.

_Some nights I become so keen_

_With all I touch and all I see_

_There's an iron smell of blood in the air_

_But now I see it everywhere_

He jumped at another bunched group with blood drenching his blades leaving trails in the air. Screams resumed as his blades fell in red arcs.

_I've been waiting for someone to find me_

_And become a part of me (A part of me...)_

_I've been waiting for you_

_To come here_

_And kill me_

_And set me free (Oh)_

_I've been waiting for the one_

"Ranger!" X called out and Ranger turned, dragging Rosemont through another body. X, Mistress, and Air where approaching with Nukid hanging between Air and Mistress.

He hadn't realized he'd gotten so close to the main camp.

A Narutard came at him from behind but X shot him in the head and swung out the Sparda joining Ranger in the melee. Blood Sprayed from the sword strokes and Narutards fell screaming as the Twilight Warrior and Half Devil Half Hollow cut them apart.

_I've been waiting for someone to find me_

_And become a part of me (A part of me...)_

_I've been waiting for you to_

_Come here_

_And kill me (Oh)_

_I've been waiting for the one_

Almost all of the Narutards lay dead on the ground in an ocean of gore. Ranger stood panting with X beside him covered in blood.

"How's Nukid?" He asked.

X shook his head.

"Still out of it," he replied. "Won't know how bad his injuries are until we get him somewhere safe."

Ranger nodded sheathing Ddriag s Cual.

"Well I guess we won't need my precaution after all," he muttered. "I'll detonate them anyways, don't want someone digging them up or setting them off by accident."

(Donate to Adopt a Minefield.)

X nodded.

"Let's get out of..."

"You idiots."

They turned to see the woman X had shot first approaching them, holding her stomach with her Katanna in hand.

"How aren't you dead yet?" X demanded pulling out Dusk and Dawn.

"You've doomed us all and made worthless the sacrifice of all of those before me," she said gritting her teeth in pain.

"What are you talking about?" Ranger asked.

She coughed and spat up a glob of blood.

"Ten years ago our group tried to make a Jinchūriki," she whispered. "We summoned an Greater daemon but it was to powerful. We sealed it but discovered the seal would only last for one year on each person. Also we discovered it took a particularly strong individual to contain it. I am the last person in our group strong enough to hold him in."

"Umm..." Ranger said suddenly looking uncomfortable.

X tugged at his collar.

"I'm going to die now," she said falling to her knees. "Heaven help you... against... Avergol..."

"Might still need those mines," X muttered.

The woman's eyes suddenly turned a burning, screaming crimson! The light burst from he open mouth and grew, and grew, and grew, and grew, until it towered over the two Authors and began to form itself. Great wings spread forty, massive arms held a bleeding sword, hoofed feet crushed the corpses scattered about it, and a great horned head rose above it all with fire a poison being released with ever exhale.

"Aw shit," Ranger and X said at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Demon

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"And the way that jerk treats me," Lunatic grumbled as he placed another mine in a hole. His sack was almost empty now, he had no idea why Ranger had packed so many mines.

"Looney!"

He looked up to see MisstressofDawn and Airnaruto running towards him, carrying Nukid between them.

"Where are X and the jerk?" Lunatic asked.

At that moment their came a mighty roar and they all turned to see a massive bloody demon rising into the air.

"My guess is back there," Ainaruto deadpanned.

"Shucks," Looney muttered.

-FAF-

Ranger and X stared at Avergol as the massive daemon toward over them flexing his muscles.

"I live again," Avergol rumbled.

"Got any plans?" Ranger whispered to X.

"Go at him with full force and if that don't work pray to whatever higher power there is to save us?" X muttered.

"Works for me," Ranger replied.

Avergol seemed to notice them at last.

"Insignificant gnats," he said. "Grovel before I, Avergol, and I may let you live to see me dominate this world of mortals."

"I'm afraid we must humbly decline your request," Ranger replied. "Because we are about to release a giant can of f*ck you."

X drew out his Zanpackuto while Ranger level Ddriag s Caul.

"Final Twilight from!" Ranger proclaimed and flames roared along the length of his blade whilst his clothes bleached themselves silver.

"Fade, Caballero Abismo!" X proclaimed and black Hollow energy rushed forth down his blade from its tip until it began to spread over him.

"Twilight Mastery!" Ranger added and now he was engulfed in a silver mist.

"Segunda Etapa," X added as well.

The Transformations ended to reveal Ranger, now hooded with intricate black and silver armor and his cloak now split down the middle. X meanwhile had assumed his Ressureccion: Segunda Etapa form which was rather humanoid for a Hollow, his blade flashing between black and white.

Avergol laughed.

"A Twilight Warrior and an Espada?" He mocked. "That might be enough to slay some of my lesser kin but against I you are but novices playing at war! I was there when Lucifer rebelled against God and we assailed the gates of Heaven!"

"Blow it out your ass," X growled.

"If you insist," Avergol replied raising his hands.

Then forth rushed countless lesser demons; Scarecrows, Prides, and other denizens of hell charged forth to battle.

In two flashes Ranger and X were among them slashing and hacking with blinding speed! Black blood and ichor rushed around them as their swords slide through bodies as easily as hot knives through butter.

Avergol laughed.

"You think to overwhelm my host?" He demanded. "I shall..."

"Cero Oscuras Instantáneo!"

"Twilight Firgra!"

Streams black energy shot forth from X while a massive concentrated blast of Twilight Energy roared forth from Ranger! The two attacks seemed to fuse with the Cero being guided by the Twilight power! Off shots of the Cero obliterated surrounding demons clearing the way to Avergol before both blasts struck him straight on in the face! The Daemon roared in agony as X and Ranger landed lightly on the ground.

"Did we get him?" X asked, his voice echoing.

When the smoke cleared however Avergol stood still, one of his eyes had been pulped by the twin blasts.

"You just had to jinx it," Ranger muttered.

"Whelps!" Avergol roared as black Ichor dripped from his ruined ocular organ. "You shall suffer for that!"

"You got enough strength for more of those?" Ranger asked.

"Not many," X admitted.

"Kage Bushin No Jutsu!"

Out of practically nowhere hundreds of Ultima form Lunatics came flying over Ranger and X with their Chakrams ready, a massive hairy wolf like beast charged past them towards Avergol, and last of all Airnaruto came up behind them with a kunai in each hand.

"Sorry we're a little late," the latter said going into a combat stance.

"Better late than never," Ranger muttered. "Where's Nukid?"

"Back there," Airnaruto replied jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "He woke up when Misstress Relocated his legs. He's pissed."

"YOU FRIGING ASSHOLES!" Nukid screamed.

"You're welcome," Ranger called.

"So we're going with the old overwhelm the enemy with insane amounts of fire power?" Airnaruto asked.

"Yep," X replied.

"Fun," Airnaruto said with a smile.

"Insolent fools!" Avergol roared swinging his blade at the mass of Looney's. As he struck them however they exploded violently. The rest landed on him and exploded into hurricanes of flames and shrapnel.

"Hello there," Ranger said as the Looney's exploded. "Suicide Fictor clones."

"I hear they get seventy two virgins," X joked.

"Seriously?" Airnaruto asked. "Fanatical Muslim jokes."

"Silence!" Ranger proclaimed. "I kill you!"

With that the charged back into the battle, Ranger hurled the Dragon's Maw into Avergol's shoulder. A flash later Ranger had his hands wrapped around the hilt. He yanked the blade out and then slashed into the demon again. Dawn was jumping around Avergol slashing with her claws leaving bloody gashes. Airnaruto threw his knives at the Avergol's ankles before forcing them both in deeper with a pair of Rasengans. A second later both knives exploded, having been wrapped in explosive tags. X sent Cero's flying everywhere doing horrific damage.

But Avergol seemed to hardly care for their attacks. He swatted at them like flies, swung his sword about destroying Lunatic clones, but truly didn't seem to care no matter how they harmed him.

"This bores me," he said swatting Dawn out of his face as she tried to go for his eyes. "If you have no true challenge for me then I shall simply obliterate you all here and..."

Then Ranger was up right in front of his face with his bow drawn and a silver shaft of Twilight energy set to the string.

"Twilight," he said pulling the string back to his cheek. Dozens, if not hundreds of silver figures burst into existence around him, each with a drawn bow with a shaft of Twilight energy ready to be loosed. "Tempest."

Then he released the string and his one arrow exploded into thirty more! The other archers loosed their own shoots and they to burst into thirty more! The rain of Twilight Blasts hammered Avergol in the face, exploding with every impact. Avergol lost his balance and toppled back crushing the mounds of corpses Ranger had made in the attack.

"Oh yeah!" Ranger laughed. "How do ya like that ya bastard?"

He landed amongst the other authors, panting heavily.

"Why didn't you use that at the start?" Lunatic asked.

"Was hoping I wouldn't have to," Ranger answered. "That attack burns through my strength real fast."

"That do it?" Airnaruto asked.

X groaned.

"You just had to jinx it," he growled.

Then Avergol began to laugh. The earth rumbled with each of his chuckles.

"That ain't good," Ranger muttered.

"So," Avergol growled. "You do have some strength eh? I suppose I should show you mine in exchange."

"Defiantly not good," X muttered.

Avergol pushed himself onto his elbows, his face a mass of holes and craters. "Be honored," he proclaimed. "I have not taken this form since the War in Heaven!"

Then he drove his claws into his own chest and ripped his chest open.

"Okay that's new," Airnaruto said raising an eyebrow.

Then Avergol's body collapsed into an ocean of blood that surged towards them like a tsunami!

"Ah shit!" Ranger yelled taking a step back to run.

Then the blood turned on itself and began to mass together into a perfect sphere. All of the bodies of the dead were gone from the field and there was no stain of gore upon it, all of it had massed into the sphere.

"Don't just stand there!" X cried out, drawing his pistols. "Blast that thing!"

They unleashed a torrent of fire upon the sphere; Ranger with his bow, X with his guns, Airnaruto with knives and Shuriken, and Lunatic chucking his chakarams. Dawn had no ranged weapon on her and was thus forced to stay back. But all of their efforts did nothing to harm the sphere. Indeed in the midst of their onslaught it solidified into an egg like structure that shrugged off every attack they threw at it.

Then a crack appeared on its surface.

A sickle kopesh sword burst through the crack and the shell of blood fell away revealing Avergol, with jet black hair and eyes, more humanoid now wearing what looked to be living Shadows around his waist, covering his nether regions. Two massive bat like wings jutted from his back and he wrapped them about himself like a cape.

"Now the true battle begins," Avergol said with the smooth sophistication of a serpent.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Power of Rock

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The Author's stood there in silence, staring at Avergol unsure of what to do.

Finally Lunatic broke the silence.

"So are we going to fight or-"

Before he could finish his sentence Avergol's fist had connected solidly with his stomach. There was a sickening crunch of bones and blood spayed from the Fictors mouth as he collapsed.

"Looney!" Airnaruto cried out raising his knife to charge.

Before he could strike however Avergol spun into the air and slammed his foot hard into the Ninja Airbender's face. He sailed over the carnage and crashed into the dirt several feet away with a hard thud.

"Balls," Ranger snarled slashing at the Daemon only for Avergol to effortlessly parry his blow.

"Pathetic," Avergol spat before with a single push throwing Ranger to the ground.

Dawn rushed in with claw and fang. She swung and snapped at him repeatedly but with horrific ease he evaded her attacks one by one. Then seeming to grow bored with her onslaught he swung out with single kick and sent her spiraling into the air before crashing down to the ground.

X charged in swinging his blade but with just as much ease as he had bested Ranger, Avergol out maneuvered X and sent him into the dirt. The Daemon laughed.

"Is this it?" He demanded. "Is this all the mortal world can throw up in defiance of my power?"

A blast of Twilight energy hit him from behind and he staggered slightly. He turned to see Ranger back on his feet, swords raised for the fight.

"You think to best me?" Avergol demanded.

"I think I'm going to kill you," Ranger replied darkly.

Avergol laughed and in a flash was millimeters away from Ranger ready to strike. Ranger brought up his longsword just in time to block the blow. He slashed with the Dragon's Maw only for Avergol to jump back and while mid air mule kick him in the face. Ranger was thrown back to the dirt with a thud.

"You call yourself a master swordsmen?" Avergol mocked. "I have seen wretches that fight better than you."

Then he stumbled forward as a knife struck him in the lower leg.

Airnaruto, barely on his feet with one eye black, his lips and nose bleeding, and a tooth or two missing stood ready to throw another blade.

"You mess with one of us you mess with all of us," he growled.

Avergol frowned and plucked the knife out of his leg. The blade had partially melted away and without a second thought Avergol tossed it aside.

"Well then," he said, "if you are so bold or foolish as to dare strike me..."

A cero blasted him from the side. X was back up sword ready to continue to battle.

"Your tenacity is..."

A bullet tore through the right side of his face and came out the left cheek tearing away flesh and gore. Ranger was back up with Luna raised.

"I'm rather sick of this," Avergol growled.

With battle cries all three authors charged him assaulting him with a flurry of blows from three sides. Avergol blocked them, weaved under and around their blows all the while positioning himself so that he was facing all three of them form one direction. He slapped away Airnaruto, parried Ranger's heavy two-handed stroke, and then plunged his blade into X's chest. The Hollow Devil stumbled back with Ranger howling in fury assaulting Avergol relentlessly. The Daemon continued to evade him however and then with one open palmed thrust to Ranger's face, sent the Twilight Warrior crashing to the ground.

He strolled over to X who had fallen to the ground and pulled his sword from his chest.

"You are all beaten," he proclaimed. "Submit now and your Death's will be..."

"SHIGAN!"

Avergol was blasted back as Nukid, pale faced struck him with one of more deadly attacks. Avergol wiped the bit of blood from his face and frowned.

"So another dares to stand against me?" He demanded.

"Damn straight," Nukid replied.

X pushed himself up panting heavily as his wound sealed itself.

"Can you fight man?" He asked the assassin.

"Barely," Nukid admitted. "Thanks for the rescue."

"Hey!"

Ranger ran up beside them sword at the ready.

"Spread the fun around guys," he said through a bleeding nose. "Can't let you guys take this asshole on your own."

"Anyone got a plan?" X asked.

"That depends," Nukid replied. "Think you can hold him off for five minutes."

"Ya no," X replied darkly. "I know where that one goes."

"Well what do we have left in our bag of tricks?" Nukid asked.

"Well we've all used our little super modes," Ranger replied. "And that barely held him off."

"Do we have any mcguffins?" Nukid asked.

"Nope," X replied.

"Any Chevoks guns?"

"No," Ranger answered.

"Well we'll just have to pull something out of our asses then," Nukid muttered.

"Okay then," Ranger said with a nod. "Can you hold him off for about thirty or so seconds while X and set up?"

"I think so," Nukid replied.

"Well then lets do it," Ranger said.

"Are you fools done yet?" Avergol demanded.

"You've been just standing there the whole time?" X asked.

"While I do have all eternity," Avergol replied.

"Well," Nukid said rubbing his palms together, "let's dance you bishonnen bastard."

"Gladly," Avergol replied.

Then he and Nukid charged one another.

Meanwhile Ranger pulled a long case from out of his cloak.

"How did you have something like that?" X demanded.

"Bag of holding," Ranger replied. "Never leave home without it."

"So what's this plan of yours?" X asked.

"A better question would be," Ranger said revealing the case to be holding a dark blue six string guitar. "How good is you Tenacious D?"

Meanwhile Nukid found himself struggling to defend himself against Avergol's attack. He was exhausted and starving from his capture by the Narutards, almost regretting his statements. Mind you it was only almost.

He was constantly using Iron mass to try and defend against Avergol's attacks and while he could stop the blows from seriously injuring him, nasty gashes and cuts now covered his arms and chest, that bled whenever he moved. He considered himself an expert at hand to hand combat but Avergol moved with inhuman speed and struck with unbelievable power.

Then as he tried a counter Avergol grabbed by the wrist and with one movement slammed Nukid onto his back hard. He raised his sword for the death blow.

"Wait!" Ranger suddenly sang out punctuated by a string from X on Nevan.

Ranger: _Wait! Wait! You mother fucker! _

Avergol paused to face the two authors armed with thier guitars, looking determined.

Ranger: _We challange you to a rock off! _

_Give us one chance to rock your socks off!_

Avergol: _FUCK! Fuck! Fuckkkk._

_The Demon code prevents me, _

_from declining a rock off challenge._

_What are your terms?_

_What's the catch?_

Ranger: _If we win, then you must take your sorry ass back to_

Ranger/X: _Hell._

Ranger: _And also you will have to pay our bills._

Avergol: _And what if I win?_

Ranger_: Then you can take Looney back to hell._

Lunatic sat up slightly at this.

Lunatic: _What?_

Ranger: _ Trust me Looney its the only way_.

Lunatic: _What are you talking about?_

Ranger: _To be your little bitch._

Lunatic: _ What!_

Avergol_: Fine!_

And then there was a roar of guitars and smoke.

Avergol: _Let the rock off begin! AHAHHAH!_

The smoke gathered around him and then dispersed to reveal the daemon playing a double necked, blood red guitar.

Avergol: _I'm a devil! _

_I love metal!_

_Check this rip its fucking tasty!_

And then his guitar screamed to life with an awesome solo. Ranger and X were nearly blasted off their feet by the force of the solo. Nukid was flung back towards them barely missing them and landing in a heap.

Avergol: _ I'm a devil I can do what I want! _

_What ever I've got I'm gonna flaunt. _

_There's never been a rock off that I've ever lost. _

_I can't wait to take Looney back to hell._

_I'm gonna fill him with my hot Daemon gel._

Looney visibly gulped at this.

Avergol_: I'll make him squeal like my scarlet pimpernel!_

"NO!" Lunatic screamed cringing in terror.

"Come on X, we gotta bring the thunder!" Ranger proclaimed.

"There's just no way that this will work," X replied disheartened. "That was a master piece."

"Listen to me," Ranger said firmly.

"He rocks to hard because he's from another realm."

"God damn it X!" Ranger snapped. "He's gonna make Looney his sex slave. The poor fictor will gargle mayonnaise."

"No." Lonney whimpered.

"Unless we bust a massive monster mamojam!"

"Ranger," X said grimly. "We've been through so much shit."

"Lectured dicks about blades," Ranger noted.

They turned to face Avegol faces set in determination.

Both_: Now its time to blow this fucker down. _

Ranger: _Come on X now its time to blow doors down._

X: _I hear you Ranger now its time to blow doors down!_

Ranger: _Light up the night cause it's time for a show down!_

X: _We're gonna bend you over and take it up brown town!_

Both: _Now we've got to blow this fucker down!_

Lunatic: _He's gonna rape me if they do not blow doors down._

Ranger: _Come on X, cause its time to blow doors down!_

X: _OHH! BROTHER I HEAR YA! IT'S TIME FOR THE SMACK DOWN!_

With that X picked up the tempo on Nevan while Ranger lead vocals.

Ranger: _Hey Anti-Christer, _

_Avergol._

_We know your weakness!_

_Its called our rock!_

_We break the rules! _

_And blow your mind!_

_We will defeat you, _

_for all man kind!_

_You hold a sickle! _

_We hold a key!_

_You are a Devil!_

_WE ARE THE TEAM!_

Then both began strumming their guitars in time to their words.

Both: _We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

_We are the Team!_

And then both pulled a massive power chord!

Both: DUET FUSION RITUAL!

"What?" Avergol demanded. "Screw it all! I'm just killing you guys!

The suddenly the air around Ranger and X warped and the wind began to howl.

"OH FUCK!" X yelled.

"Suddenly I regret this idea," Ranger muttered.

Then the two began to swirl and mix together and a violent torrent of yells and expletives. Then it came to a halt to reveal a single solitary figure.

He was as tall as Ranger, with red hair like X, and part of a hollow mask covering his right eye. He was dressed in a grey shihaksho with a dark green cape thrown over his left shoulder and heavy boots on his feet. A single sword was in his hands with the hilt of X's zanpackuto but with the blade of Ranger's longsword Rosemont.

Silence filled the air as the new comer gathered himself together and stretched.

"Well this is interesting," he said in a voice that seemed to be an echoing fusion fo Ranger and X's voices. "Sweet echo."

"And who in Satan's name are you supposed to be?" Avergol demanded.

"Good question," the new comer replied examining his fingers. "Lets see who am I? I guess you could call me Xanger. Cliched I know to just fuse the two names together but it works for most people."

"Okay can somebody tell me what just happened?" Airnaruto asked, limping over to Nukid, his ankle twisted.

"Ranger and X just fused together," Nukid replied. "Via Dragon Ball Z logic this means that their power levels have combined into one singular power level. Since X and Ranger independently couldn't defeat Avergol they fused to combine their powers."

"Oh okay," Airnaruto said with a nod of understanding.

"I'd call bull but I'm not allowed to swear," Lunatic stated.

Xanger raised his sword.

"So Avergol," he began. "Ready for round two?"

Avergol glared at him and cast aside his guitar.

"I take it the rock off was just a ruse?" He asked.

"Yes," Xanger replied. "And you fell for it hook line and sinker."

"Well then," Avergol growled.

Then in a flash they both vanished.

With a bang they reappeared twenty feet in the air swords screaming with sparks as the dueled! They broke apart and Avergol loosed a blast of fel energy. Xanger raised his left hand silver motes of light gathering to it!

"Hakumei Cero," he announced before releasing the silver Cero which split Avergol's attack in half. Avergol vanished again to evade the attack and almost as quickly Xanger vanished as well.

They reappeared twenty feet away to Nukid and Airnaruto's right and the force and speed of their blows actually shattered the sound barrier! Xanger shoved Avergol back as demonic power gathered about his blade.

"Diablo Sinfonía Slash!" Xanger proclaimed releasing the attack. An arcing slice of demonic power screamed forth and struck Avergol before he could bring his blade up in time to block the assault. The daemon was thrown back with a howl of rage. Xanger clapped his hands together and then pressed them to the ground. "Twilight Spike!"

A forest of silver spikes erupted from the ground and Avergol howled in pain and fury as he crashed onto them. He pulled himself off the spikes blood and ichor dripping from his wings and back.

"You worthless cowardly-!"

And arrow struck him squarely in the left eye and he howled in pain. Xanger nocked another arrow to the bone white Yumi bow he drawn from seemingly nowhere. He loosed another shaft which struck Avergol in the left triceps. Furious, Avergol snapped the two shafts off ignoring the blood and ichor now spraying from his left eye and charged Xanger. Xanger blocked his wild thrust with his bow and then smacked it against the back of Avergol's leg sending him to the ground.

Screaming in rage Avergol loosed a blast from his mouth that flung Xanger into the air. Unperturbed Xanger drew out a pair of black and white pistols and opened up on Avergol who shrieked in pain as the bullets tore into him. He flung himself into the air sword in hand heedless of the number of hits he took as he rose through Xanger's fire. Then the fused Demon/Hollow/Twilight Warrior stepped on his face pushing himself up higher and continued firing. Avergol hit the ground with a mighty crash that shook the earth.

"Shit!" Nukid yelled. "Their gonna tear this place apart!"

"Not much to tear apart," Airnaruto noted.

"Except us!"

"Oh right."

Avergol pushed himself up and then flung himself back into the air beating his wings furiously as he rose! Xanger holstered his pistols and drew out his sword again.

"Bring the dawn, Hakumei Abismo!" He proclaimed. A wave of Hollow energy and Twilight power slammed into Avergol sending him crashing back to the ground. The energy retreated to Xanger and wrapped around him forming into a suit of bone white light armor similar to Ranger's Twilight Mastery form. The sword in his hands was now massive, a fusion of the Sparda and the Dragon's Maw.

Avegol struggled to his feet but before he could even move Xanger was on him. With one punch Xanger sent Avergol flying back smashing through the hard packed earth making a trench as long as a foot ball field! The Daemon struggled to his feet only to see Xanger charging straight at him sword ready for the kill!

Then Xanger glowed and with a cry split back into X and Ranger who both crashed faces first into the dirt.

"Oh come on!" Nukid cried in dismay.

"We really just cn't get a break," Airnaruto growled.

"We're so dead," Lunatic moaned.

Avergol stood in silence for a moment as Ranger and X righted themselves seemingly incredulous.

"Okay dude," X said looking at Ranger with some degree of amusement. "There is no way I'm not telling everyone about you liking My little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

"You saw that?" Ranger exclaimed in alarm.

"We we're kind of sharing the same mind," X replied.

"Well then I'm telling everyone about..."

"Okay sorry!" X said quickly.

Then Avergol burst out laughing. He laughed so hard it was amazing he didn't pass out from lack of oxygen.

"You fools!" He proclaimed! "I've won!"

"No you haven't," Ranger replied.

"Yes I have!"

"No you haven't," X replied.

"Yes I have!"

"No you haven't," both replied.

"Oh and how do you figure that!" Avergol demanded spittle and ichor flying from his mouth.

"Say it don't spray it," X muttered.

"Because while we fought you I had my ship, the Phoenix, line up a shot with its MAC guns," Ranger said.

Avergol froze his eyes going wide.

"And now we kill you Warhammer 40k style," Ranger continued. "Orbital bombardment."

Avergol screamed in insane fury raising his sword!

Then the first to MAC rounds struck him. He howled and shrieked as additional fire from the Battlestar in orbit hammered him into oblivion. Daemon though he was, there was simply no defense against multiple 3,000 ton tungeston depleted Uranium slugs crashing into you at a fraction of lightspeed. The roar of shells and explosions temporarily deafened the Authors but when the smoke cleared, the Daemon was no more.

As if in an after thought Ranger brought out his guitar again and played a single set of chords, signifying the true end to the battle.

**FAF**

About two days later all six Authors were comfortably recovering back at the compound. They sat in the living room on various couches and chairs with various body parts bandaged, in slings, or splinted in place.

"So did anyone learn anything from that whole mess?" Ranger asked.

"Warhammer 40k has crazy ways of killing daemons," Lunatic replied.

"That I needed more screen time and more lines," Dawn answered.

"The some of the members of a fanbase I am a part of are psychos?" Airnaruto suggested.

"I can piss off thousands of people with just a few lines," Nukid answered.

"That Ranger is a closeted Brony," X quipped.

"How bout that whole cross dressers ball you went to?" Ranger replied darkly.

"Wait what?" Nukid asked.

"Nothing!" X yelped.

"I think that about covers everything," Dawn noted.

"I think we're missing some Linkin Park," Lunatic noted.

"No we aren't," X said curtly.

"But..."

"No. We. Aren't."

"Fine."

"Good," Ranger muttered. "Now Nukid and I can get to work on beating the shit out of that piss poor Eragon movie."

**THE END!**


End file.
